Childminding, roads, safety, temper tantrum, month of letters, London and Les Mis, Fill in the Blank, soft box, ballet

So! Through another week of childminding! It's certainly been interesting, and a little stressful if I'm honest. Tuesday and Wednesday were fine, although BB's been more challenging recently. This is mainly because she's so tired - she's getting up in the nights for her parents, and really early in the mornings too; and she's basically standing at her gate yelling at them. They keep trying to leave her to yell until she gets bored and goes back to her bed - but she's stubborn! She's always been much more of a firecracker than B, who was born with a laid-back personality! But we've had a couple of naughty steps recently, which is unusual, because normally I don't have to ask her to do anything more than twice - twice is when she wants to do something else first. But now she's being a bit pushy, and trying desperately to manipulate me with whining and telling me that she 'wants mummy' or 'feeling poorly', and the bottom lip comes out and she looks up at me to make sure I'm watching. Which I'm not, I'm afraid, because with BB the best thing to do is ignore her until she's either done what was asked or calmed down so you can tell her again.


But basically, come yesterday she must have been quite tired - and recovering from a cold, too. So she was dosed up at lunchtime with calpol, and we made the afternoon school run to pick up B. We were most of the way home, and stood at the edge of the pavement waiting to cross the road. B took a slight step back away from the edge of the pavement, and BB decided that that was the moment to run into the road. Right in front of that oncoming car. I swear, my heart stopped for a moment. Thankfully the driver was paying attention (and I cannot stress how much this demonstrates the value of the rules against using a phone in the car or other distractions!!) and he stopped. I had leapt into the road as she ran in, screaming her name. I'm not sure why - I think my first reaction was just to try and grab her out of the way of the vehicle, maybe. But I did grab her and brought her back to the pavement.

We got home safely, and nobody was injured, thank goodness. But I tell you, I have never been so scared before. I've suffered a road accident myself, and suffered the terror of operations from the dentist (which are far scarier than anyone can truly understand). But seeing BB run into the path of an oncoming car beat all. It would be devastating enough if she were my child - but she's not. I didn't want to have to imagine telling her mum that I'd let her child get killed whilst in my care! So from next week we're reinstalling the wrist-strap for a fortnight or so. Because none of us can afford to risk her getting killed. It would be too much. And you don't take chances on a child's safety. For the past 3 months, I have enjoyed having a toddler who knew about roads, and would stop at the end of the pavement if she ran ahead, and would wait for me to tell her it was safe to cross the road. And now we're going to have to rein her in. It's a little bit gutting.

So there was that major incident which rather tore me up. And then, when the girls' mum got home, BB - being tired and grizzly from everything - decided to start crying loudly, which her mum ignored (good policy on attention-seeking behaviour usually!), and it soon escalated into a full temper tantrum violence accompanied by hysterical screaming. I have never seen that from BB before. I've seen her cry, both for real and for attention. I've seen her sulk. I've seen her hit her sister occasionally when she's angry or frustrated, and I've seen her hurt people by accident when she's got carried away in a game. But I've never seen a temper tantrum like that! She calmed down eventually, and her mum then dealt with it and spoke to her. But Thursday was not the best of days overall.

But it is a Friday today! I'm going out with some friends later today, which should be nice - it's been a while since I've had the opportunity to enjoy company above the age of 5! I've also begun my Month of Letters positively, with a letter going out to I, my friend from Malvern, on 1st; and a letter going out to a theatre on 2nd. I feel this was a bit sneaky, as I had to send the tickets back so they would send me the ones for the new date I'm going - but I did include a note to say thankyou to the Customer Services team for being so brilliant!

They truly were. What had happened was that the wife and I were due to go to London and see Les Mis on 4th August this summer. Being as dumb as I was, I was the one who had booked it, and I'd forgotten that the Olympics were on. So trying to sort out accommodation was next to impossible and way out of our price range. So I rang up the Customer Services for the Delfont Mackintosh Theatre group, and a brilliant young woman helped sort me out so that we could go 2 weeks later, which would have us going down to London in the time between the Olympics and Paralympics instead. She really was lovely and helpful, and she even waived the fee for changing the tickets and talked me into a cheaper postage option. She just went above and beyond, and made me feel so secure about rearranging the tickets. So now we're going to see it on 18th, instead, and we have our accommodation booked and paid for! And going a fortnight later more than halved the price of it! So now all we have to sort out is the train journey down, and that would be better to be done nearer the time.

Last thing of note - it's a Friday! Which means I will finally be able to Fill in the Blank on an actual Friday! So here goes:

1. If money wasn't an issue, the first thing I'd cross off my Life list is to go to New Zealand with the wife. There are lots and lots of things I would love to be able to do with that money, but the most expensive and unlikely thing on the Life list I share with the wife is a trip to New Zealand and a tour of The Tribe sets, so that would be what we would do! And of course we would tour Hobbiton too...

2. The idea of adopting asian babies is something I like that other people think is weird.

3.  If my life were a movie right now, the title would be Until she burst. This is in reference to the stress I've been feeling recently, and also the amount of chocolate I've been consuming. My hips have disappeared into rolls of fat. Ah well!

4. Three things I am looking forward to this month are the possibility of house sitting in a house my parents bought, doing a bit more exercise, and doing lots of fun, crafty things!

5. My favourite song to sing in the shower is currently the theme song for 'Charley Bear'. I know. This is what happens when you're introduced to children's television. you develop favourite shows and theme songs. And this one is really good! Otherwise I'm loving Fredrika Stahl's Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

6. If I found out that the production of Quavers was ending this month, I'd go out and buy as much as I could tomorrow.

7. One thing I'll never grow tired of is the wife. I'm pretty sure, anyway. I worry sometimes that she'll grow tired of me. But I don't think I could grow tired of her.

So that's this week's done, and on the right day, too!  I'm going to stop now, as I could do with showering before tonight, really!! Plus I have little else to say... oh! Here's the picture of the soft box I made:

 Not too bad I think, for something that asks you to sew round the corners of a box!!

What I like best about these pictures is that you can't see that it's filled with chocolate in various forms! It's my chocolate box, and I love it very much. Now, if I could create a lid to hide the contents, I wouldn't eat so much of them. But it is demonstrative of my positive change in attitude towards unhealthy foods!







So that's all! I will try to post soon - like, when I've made the other box. And I'll update you on where I have sent letters as and when I do. Today's letter is to Norland College with some of my forms, tomorrow's is (hopefully) to my friend E, since she's way overdue one.

Love love xx

PS. I forgot to tell you about the ballet my mum and I saw. It was Beuaty and the Beast by Birmingham Royal Ballet, and it was excellent - the choreography and casting were ideal, and the dancers did it true justice. It really was enchanting! Also I made more soup and it was yummy.

Childminding, lonely, letters challenge, Fill in the blank Friday

So, for once I've managed to post just a week after my last post, which is good for me at the moment! There isn't really too much to catch you up on; more little bits of interest.

Firstly, last week was a loong week of childminding - firstly, because I did four days instead of three for the second week running. Secondly, because B was off ill the entire week with tonsillitis, which meant I had two little ones to look after all day instead of one. Whilst this in itself wasn't too difficult, the problem lay in that because B was ill, she wanted things her own way and she wanted to do her thing, rather than being flexible about the fact that BB was too little to enjoy the same things. but we got through it, and B seemed miles better by Friday, so hopefully this coming week should be back to normal and less exhausting overall!

I've been very lonely recently. I can't remember the last time one of my friends texted/rang/messaged me without me texting/ringing/messaging them first. It just seems as though I'm making a heck of a lot of effort and not getting it back. Or something like that, anyway. Even the wife hasn't in an awfully long time. I feel as though I'm invisible to them all, and yet in their way as well. I miss getting a text without warning or prompting from a friend saying something even as simple as, 'saw ___ and thought of you', or, 'hope you've had a lovely day!' Is it me? Is it actually me? Am I demanding too much from people? Or am I just rubbish at friendships? Because I don't know anymore, I really don't.

On a lighter note, I've signed up for the Month of Letters Challenge from Mary Robinette Kowal. It seems pretty simple - 24 letters to be posted throughout the month of February. I reckon I could probably do it! I look forward to trying, anyhow.

Also, I've been meaning for a long while to do Fill in the blank Fridays from the little things we do, but somehow I always manage to not do a post on a Friday, or forget that I want to fill in the blanks. So I'm starting it now, even though it's a Monday, in the hope that I'll feel more committed, and start doing it on Fridays!

So:

My favorite place i've ever traveled to is London with the wife. It was an incredible adventure, just the two of us, being teenage and independent and awesome. We watched Wicked - the wife's first time - and we went to London Aquarium, like all self-respecting 18/19 year olds do. There was no pandering to other more demanding members of the friendship group, we could do as we pleased and be comfortable without feeling awkward or in each others' faces. We're going back this summer to watch Les Mis!

Australia is somewhere I'd love to go someday

I pass the time on a plane (or bus, or car ride or train) by reading, staring out of the window, and making up stories about the lives of the strangers around me.

My three must-haves when I travel are a good book, a phone with a full battery, and a spare jumper.

My favorite travel companion is myself. Although travelling with the wife has never bothered me either.

The craziest thing that ever happened to me while traveling is I bumped into an old teacher whilst stood on a platform with two young children. I hasten to add they were not my own, something I think was one of the first things I said to my old teacher! She wasn't keen on small children and didn't chat for long.

The most exotic food I've ever tried while traveling is goat, probably? Not sure.

If I could live anywhere else, I'd live in a warmer country. Anywhere warmer than England.

I have been to no states in the U.S.

So yeah! My first Fill in the Blank Friday! Hopefully next time it will be done on a Friday, too! Oh - I made a soft box yesterday. Pictures soon. Probably when I get around to making the second one I have planned. And I cooked some yummy meals recently. And... that's all I have to say for now. Hopefully I'll have more interesting stuff to say next time.

Love love xxx

ill, childminding, childminding, childminding, plans for next week, letters and yoghurts, wifey

I'm sick. Still. Not drastically so, but enough to make me all unhappy about it and say all the time, 'this being ill thing really sucks It's just so frustrating!' Mamma reckons it's glandular fever. I reckon I don't care, I don't want it regardless of its name. Even if it was called Naya Rivera I would not want it. Because it is hurting my feelings, and you shouldn't associate with things that hurt your feelings. having said which, if Naya Rivera turned up on my doorstep, I would not refuse to associate with her. But then I don't think she would hurt me like this stupid illness is.

So yeah. Not done much of anything, still. I've been childminding, obviously. It's been pretty fun. BB is now pretty completely potty trained - yay! She's learnt this funny trick now, where she does a poo, then bends over and touches her toes so that I can wipe her bum clean! It does make me chuckle. On the other hand, since we started the whole potty training ball rolling with a reward jelly tot for every successful trip, she's developed this whiny tone of voice that demands a 'jelly top' after every single potty trip. I'm afraid I'm big and nasty and refuse to give her the reward until she asks politely in a more normal tone of voice. She's 2, she's not going to tell me what to do in that way!

We've just wiped out her nap completely, too. She decided she no longer wanted it over Christmas, and refused to go for her parents. But she was going for half an hour with me. But since it's making her faff about both when going to bed and when getting up in the morning, we just agreed we'd scratch it and see how she did. She seems okay - she crashes a little come the afternoon, but doesn't get her family up at 5.30 in the mornings now, so all in all a pretty good job! B is much the same as usual - school, homework (way too much for a 5 year old as far as I'm concerned!!) and we've been enjoying reading some books together.

We all jumped in muddy puddles the other day. It had been raining during the day, but the sun had come out and it was pretty warm. We all had wellies on and waterproofs, and there were some deep puddles just outside the house. Sure, the waterproofs needed a sponge off afterwards, sure the 5 year old slipped and got coated in mud and needed the fastest bath known to man, sure her clothes all went straight in the wash. But the two of them got to run around in winter, jumping around, laughing and playing together, and we all enjoyed it. So worth it!

Aside from all this I haven't done anything else much. Next Wednesday I'm meant to be going out for a ballroom dancing class with a friend, which should be hilarious fun! And on Thursday I'm going to see the ballet of Beauty and the Beast with mamma at the Lowry. I'm very much looking forward to it - it's been a while since I saw a ballet, and I do enjoy them!

I've also written a few letters to people, so I'm going to go now and post those. It's a good way to get me out of the house! I might take a walk to the texaco at the same time and pick up some yoghurts, too. I've been craving them for ages and we haven't bought any!

Love love xx

Ps. Still missing the wife terribly. It sucks that she chose to go to a uni so far away.

blah, wife, truffles, truffles, truffles, dungarees

So I realise I should be doing useful, constructive stuff whilst I still have time to before I have to go back to work. Don't get me wrong, I love my job fiercely - but I get this sense that there's some stuff I should be doing whilst I have all this free time that I'm not doing and won't be able to do when I'm working. And I'm not. I've spent the whole of today doing - wait for it - nothing. Yep. Just like I've spent the past 2 weeks doing nothing. Bummer. My brain is like a great huge marshmallow at the moment, I don't feel entirely well, and I'm certain that spending all day doing nothing isn't actually helping that. It's probably some kind of vicious cycle - you know, you do nothing, then you feel crappy, so you do a bit more nothing because you feel crappy, and for some strange reason you still feel crappy after you've done more nothing. Yeah. Sucks.

Part of the problem is that the wife has just spent a week in London. I'm glad she got to spend New Year there, I really hope she's enjoying herself - but it seems as though I haven't actually seen very much of her recently. I can snatch the odd hour of her time here and there, but I'm not too high on the priority list. Considering that, I don't seem to be high on any priority lists right now. Most of the people I know don't even have me on their lists. I'm starting to slip down on my own priority list. Bah!

On the upside, I made truffles during the Christmas period! Yay! And they were rather yummy, I thought:

See how pretty they all are?

These ones were the hardest to do, because it involved creating chocolate cases by using paper cases as moulds - not an easy thing to make work! They were chocolate liqueurs, so the filling was a passion fruit liqueur cream. Also, there was a macadamia hidden in the bottom of each!

These were white chocolate cream inside - white chocolate, cream and a hint of limoncello/passion fruit liqueur then coated in melted chocolate. The middling difficulty, but incredibly good, if a little over-sweet. These were best eaten one at a time!

These were easy-peasy, the easiest of all. They turned out better than I expected, but still just a little dry. I would add more cream next time, I think. They're dark chocolate almond truffles.

So yeah! Skills, right? So much fun to do, if a little time-consuming - the wait between each step as mixtures cooled or set or whatever'ed was a little frustrating but worth it in the end.

The other thing I did recently was that I made two little sets of dungarees for the dolls of the girls I childmind. This was a little tricky, as it involved taking sneaky measurements of their dolls and then sewing the clothes without having the actual dolls there to fit them to. I really hope the clothes fit!!

Kinda cute, I think! Yay me for being really creative... 3 weeks ago. Let me celebrate that I have not always spent forever doing nothing. Ummm.

Love love xx

Happy New Year!, reflections, resolutions

The New Year is begun! It is officially the first day of 2012. 2011 is finished with, to be boxed up with so many other previous years. So many people my age seem to look on the year that's gone extremely, considering it to have been either the best or worst year of their life. Well, at our age, we haven't really had many years to compare it with. Nor have we have that many significant events in our life that would put a spin on how good or bad a year has been. But all the trivial things in our lives seem to be so major to us. And we seem to judge how well a year has gone on the last month of it, or thereabouts, our mood at the time of writing our facebook status about it having a large bearing on how we judge it. But if they actually really thought about the year, maybe they would realise that, overall, it's been a pretty good year, perhaps with a crappy finish - but pretty good overall. Or maybe that it's been a bit of a mixed bag. Or maybe that it was just another year, neither good nor bad, which in itself might seem a little sad, but is still better than a bad year, as it gives ground to build on. But I doubt that for most of the people my age whose years have been 'the best' or 'the worst' of their lives, that they actually have.

As or me, I've spent a lot of time considering the past year, and I think, on the whole, it's been pretty good. Last year, I: completed college; got wonderful A level results; went to London with H to see Wicked; began work childminding; suffered from incredibly painful tooth infections; sorted out and had the majority of the dental work needed to give me a healthy smile again; developed some incredibly open and hones closer relationships with friends; grew closer to God than I had felt in years; wrote a couple of articles for The Band; made my first quilt; and began to grow upwards as a person. Boy, that's a lot! Sure, there have been downers in my year - some hefty ones, at times. But even they have provided me with the ability to think and reflect a lot on myself, and not only to come up from them, but to grow further. I learnt a lot in the past year about myself, about my friends, and about the people around me - spiritually and emotionally, I feel I have grown, at least a little. So many incredible memories have been made in the last year. I am higher and more stable than I have been in years. And I look forward to the year ahead of me. I can't wait to create new memories, and to face difficulties head-on (I know, this is getting corny).

I already know that in the coming year I shall: continue childminding; give B as much help as I can; go to see Les Mis with H in London; start at nanny college; and do lots of writing! I hope I shall: stay in touch with people; grow even closer to God; grow more in myself; learn lots of new things; ask for help when I need it; and keep being happier. I hope to continue my diary - and my blog, perhaps more frequently than I currently do! I want to enjoy every experience I can, and perhaps capture a few of them with photos. My dental work will be completed in the first quarter of the year, which I am very excited for!! So overall, it feels like a year filled with potential and promise!

I've spent quite a bit of time considering New Year's Resolutions. It's not something I usually do, simply because I can't be bothered and I can't see the point. I guess I've figured out that the reason we make New Year's Resolutions is because a fresh year feels like a fresh slate - we can rub off the mistakes we made in the last year, and resolve not to make them again this year. So! I decided to make some New Year's Resolutions, and I found some helpful suggestions from The Happiness Project for making your Resolutions realistic and attainable, such as making them specific actions that are measurable - for example, if you want to be healthier, just writing 'be healthier' is not easy to measure. It's a big, general statement, and you're likely to feel frustrated every time you do anything that isn't healthy. And that means you're likely to give up. So instead, making the Resolution to eat a certain number of fruit and veg portions every day, or to do a certain amount of exercise a week will enable you to measure your success. I actually joined the Happiness Challenge for 2012 (something you can do here) as well, because I want to become happier during 2012, but it's a difficult Resolve to specify into measurable actions. But anyway - here are my Resolutions:

Health:

• Get out of the house for a walk at least once every 2 days
• Exercise at least 5 times a week
• Eat 3 fruit/veg everyday
• Go to bed no later than 11, except on special occasions

Hobbies:

• Write in my diary at least twice a week
• Keep up with my letter-writing
• Start and complete at least 1 knitting/sewing/crafty project a month
• Read at least 1 new book a month (ie unread)

Housework:

• Change my bed once a week
• Complete 1 housework task every 2 days
• Tackle 1 room in the house a month

Happiness:

• Try to trust people more
• Be more honest with people about my feelings
• Appreciate other people more - and let them know
• Be more honest with myself about my feelings
• Appreciate myself more
• Accept my limitations, be realistic with my expectations, and be patient and understanding with myself

It looks like a lot to aim for, I know. I'll probably have to introduce things bit by bit, rather than trying to do it all at once. I can't expect them all to happen overnight, after all! So I'm going to start by aiming to do the walking one, the fruit/veg one, and the diary writing one. Those 3 are a good starting point - they all feel attainable, they're not too big a change from my current lifestyle, and they're enjoyable ones too. And by starting with just those 3, I'll be working on some from the Happiness column. The bed one in Housework is something I already do, which could be called cheating I guess - but I'm thinking of it as a big automatic tick to help encourage me! The Happiness column is the hardest, as I don't think they're things that can be done consciously really. But I want them there anyway, so that at the end of 2012 I can look back and reflect on whether I feel those Resolutions developed or not. I guess they're more a mental reminder for next year.

So that's all for now - a long post, I know! But a good post to start off the New Year, positive and fresh-feeling! So - a Happy, Prosperous New Year to all, including myself!

Love love xx

childminding, childminding, potty training, Manchester, NaNoWriMo, The Band, letters, dilemma solved, surgery, hair

So this time, there is a wonderful reason for my absence - the family computer wasn't behaving. It worked, except for blogger, which wouldn't run at all.

So - my life at the moment. Well, there's childminding, which is going awesomely as per usual. BB is pushing her boundaries at the moment, trying to find a way to get away with naughty stuff. Not like, really naughty, more like defying me when I tell her not to jump up and down on that chair because she will fall off and then scream for five minutes. So we have a naughty step, which is weirdly... I don't even know. She goes on it for two minutes, cries unendingly for the first one and is just sat there when I go to speak to her. She says sorry, hugs me and tells me she loves me which makes my heart melt because I just punished her, then she laughs and says she won't do that naughty thing again. And ten minutes later, she's forgotten all about it being a naughty thing and is doing it all over again. nor surprising for her age, I guess. Distracting her from the naughty action tends to work best. We've also learnt how to not cry for too long by taking deep breaths. So she falls over, bangs her head and immediately starts scream-crying. So I tell her to take a deep breath, and demonstrate. She laughs at this, copies it, and all is well. Ten minutes later she falls over again, and we do it all over again. Sometimes when I say no to her, she does a really funny sulk. She doesn't tantrum at the word no. Instead she lies down on the floor, face down and pushes her bottom lip out. I ignore this. It's no fun to her when she can't see me looking at her. She only tantrums when she's trying to do something herself and it isn't working. Then she sits on the floor and pedals her legs a bit, before bringing it to me with a 'make work pwease!' It's adorable. And another negative behaviour to manage.

So yeah, yesterday she made her own lunch. It was really fun. I gave her the option of baked beans or sandwiches, and she chose sandwiches. So she got her plastic knife, and a plate with a slice of bread on it, and the carton of spread. The knife went into it vertically, twisted round and dug a tiny amount out which she then proceeded to bury somewhere inside the slice of bread whilst I spread a little more onto the slice. Same with cream cheese. Awesome. Ah well, it's the thought that counts!

We're in the middle of potty-training at the moment too, which is difficult because it's so cold that we can't take a simple route. If it were summer, we could just leave her bottom half reasonably uncovered and the potties out, and things would... I dunno. Happen. But it's too cold for that. So instead we're playing games with the dolls using the potties, and suggesting trying to use it every so often. She's drinking a lot, so she can usually wee in there. Poos? Not so much. She gets really stressed about doing them in her nappy too, because she hates having a pooey bottom. But, even though she knows when she's pooing, she won't sit down on the potty to do it. We got a poo in the potty once. I never thought I'd be so happy to be handed a bucket of poo. Yesterday she had a green poo. No kidding, green as grass. And it stank. I don't know what she ate, but it was so wrong! Sorry. This is not what I was going to talk about!

On Wednesday  the school striked, O I had B with me all day as well as BB. So we decided to go to Manchester and visit the Christmas Market - I mentioned I went with a friend the other week, and it was seriously magical. So I thought it would be fun for the girls to see it. And since I had both of them, it felt like a good time, even though it was a little early for Christmas. It took us a while to get there - the train station is right behind their house, so we were at the train station in under five minutes; but the first train that arrived was so packed it wouldn't let anybody get on. So I had to wait at the train station for half an hour with B and BB to occupy. Thankfully we had a packed lunch with us, as they're lactose intolerant. So they had their morning snack and that got them through to the next train, which was also packed to be fair but not as much. Having two young children on a train is insanely stressful. They're not even mine. How do I explain losing/killing their children by accident on a train to their mum? But we survived, they loved the market, and we went home and watched Madagascar after BB finished her nap. Success!


So other than childminding, I completed NaNoWriMo - yay! It was a relief to complete it and feel like a winner. Or rather, not to feel like a loser or failure as I would have done if I had either not done it or cheated to get the winner page. No. Doing it the honest way and knowing you did it is fiercely awesome and motivating. I finished two days before the deadline, and wrote 16000 words on that final completion day. Yeah. Most of them are probably rubbish. But - I did it anyway. So it's okay.


I also did a post for the Band, which was really good for me. I'm glad I did it. No, I'm not gonna say which is my post. there are many posts, and many topics I could post on. One of the posts is mine. But the whole website is really good. It's a website for people with all different kinds of crazy and brokenness to feel that they are not alone. The love that comes from it is amazing.


I've written a few letters also. Mainly responding to letters I received, but I also wrote a letter to IB. I realise I referred to her as I in a past post, which I only now realise is confusing, stupid child that I am. So now she's IB, which will mean no more confusing it with myself doing stuff. Sorry - yeah, I wrote a letter to her. and she responded. I need to write back to her. I know my brother wrote a letter to me at some point, but it hasn't turned up. Thanks a lot for that, Royal Mail. It really sucks that they just cannot get letters to arrive. I've even lost packages before that I've sent to people. Look, I know this is the age of computers, but snail mail has been happening for centuries. Get it together now, come on.


I wrote before about a friend who had a dilemma about a guy. Well, she said no. She felt it was best, and agreed that she needed to set boundaries in her friendship with him so that they wouldn't keep having encounters. And she has since seen him, and told him, and touched on there being boundaries but not really set any. Ah well. I felt lighter in knowing her decision, although I think I would have been relieved to know the decision even if it wasn't what I'd hoped for. As it is, I'm pleased as well. Yes, partly in a selfish way probably. I wanted things to work out int he best possible way for me. But I'm also glad because I feel this is the less painful way for her, too. They're still friends, and that I'm unsure of. But I'm glad that she won't get hurt by dating him a third time. I don't know. Life is so difficult!!


Surgery is all healed - the stitches came out really quickly, and no more bleeding now. I'm looking forward very much to having it all finished. I might have to have a few more injections which will be horrible (because of the amount of injections and surgeries I've had, my mouth is hyper-sensitive, as my dentist says, which explains why the injections hurt so much), but with a little luck all will be over in a couple of months' time.


Not much else to add now. I know I've talked a lot. Oh! I dyed my hair again.It's really dark, with a hint of red. The roots look slightly purple, too. It's not what I planned. It's not what I expected. I love it!


Love love xx


PS. It amuses me that the word 'blogger' is not in the spell check dictionary on this thing!