Friday, 17 February 2012

brief update, Fill in the Blank Friday, chlminding, the wife, baby games, a crazy long essay on why I wouldn't have a baby right now.

I'm tired. Not ill any more, but tired. It's been a long week. My grandpa's been in and out of hospital a coupla times - once for scheduled surgery, and then again via A & E - the wife's been down, I've had work, and one of my friends is playing a dangerous game.

I will update you on all of that, but not yet, because this is my Fill in the Blank Friday:

1. The love of my life is not here yet. I don't know them yet. Although I do love my family incredibly much, and the wife as well. It would be fair to call her the love of my life, but it would be a different kind of love to the one meant here.

2. Falling in love is scary and dangerous and exciting and fun and not what life with a partner is about as far as I know. Falling in love is the really fun bit at the start before you get used to them. The real challenge for life is enjoying being with them for the rest of your lives and getting through the tough bits and the boring bits.

3. Marriage is important to me. I find it to be very significant, and not something I would consider lightly. My mum always told me that when she agreed to marry my dad, she did mean forever absolutely seriously. And I would want to as well.

4. The longest relationship I've ever had was not very long in the grand scheme of things. But then of what relationships I have had, I've never bothered to time them, really. I was too busy enjoying spending time with the person.

5. The key to a good relationship is communication, honesty and trust. People in a relationship need to talk to each other. Honestly! About the things that are bothering them, or any issues they feel can be put right. And they need to trust each other, too, that they are both being honest about what they need to know.

6. I feel loved when people remember me. When they do those little things that show they care, like sending me the link to a video that made them think of me. Or even just a text where they ask if I've had a nice day, without me having to text them first necessarily.

7. My favourite quote about love is non-existent. As soon as I read this my mind blanked on any quotes that contained the word 'love'. The only one I can remember is from Twelfth Night - 'If music be the food of love, play on. Give me excess of it-' It doesn't have any significant message for people, and it doesn't even make so very much sense out of context. But nothing else springs to mind; and even if it did, it would probably be corny.

Sot hat's this Friday's Fill in the Blank. And to recap the week... I worked, as per. BB seemed strangely ill yesterday - I mean, rather than it being an obvious illness, or her putting it on, she suddenly turned quiet and couldn't focus on playing because of a pain on her tummy. Normally she's easily distracted even if she is ill. But this time just seemed different. And I wasn't sure what to do. So I ended up ringing the parents, and her mum spoke to her on the phone (good phone skills for a 2-year old!) and suggested that it could be eczema  on her belly which she occasionally got. So we rubbed some cream on it and that kept her going until her mum got home from work.

The wife was down last weekend. She's majorly busy now with assignments and people visiting her, so she wanted to get one last drop in at home before she was too busy. It was lovely to see her, mainly because she's the one friend I have who always remembers me. Most, if not all, of the others don't really care about staying in contact that much, and I'm always the one having to make the effort. And that leaves me feeling very lonely and isolated sometimes. But the wife didn't even stop in at her own home on the way down. She just came straight to see me. And that let us have a catch-up and a giggle. And then we ate supper at hers the following night with another friend, BM. we didn't stay the night at hers, as she was leaving again the next day so it was a little hectic for her. I really hate saying goodbye. I know it's not forever, I know she's back down over Easter. But it is hard to say goodbye to someone you're close to - and someone to whom you're close because they care and make an effort where others don't.

I was meant to be seeing BM again on Wednesday evening, but she cancelled because she wasn't pregnant and was miserable about it. She's the friend who's playing a dangerous game. There are positives to having babies and children, I know that. They are a joy, and they will teach you a lot about the world and other people. But there are also a lot of sacrifices to be made if she is determined to go down this route. Ultimately I can't stop her trying, and it's clear she wants a baby very much. If she gets pregnant, I will of course support her as much as I can and as much as she needs me. But I also wonder if it wouldn't be better if she didn't get pregnant right now, but focused and prepared for an interview she has for university studying nursing, which is what she wants to do. She still doesn't know if she's going to India this September, but if I were her I would look into that too, as a possibility. But I'm not her. And she has to do what is right for her. All I can do is pick up the pieces at a time like this when she's miserable about not being pregnant, and support her in the path she takes her life down. It isn't easy.

I can't write any more. My brain is too full right now.

Love love xx

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